6 Jun 2008

This is me in a moment of Universal Truth

A while back there was this thing going around the internet: English comedian Peter Kay’s Universal Truths. A collection of wry observations about the meaning of life, including, for example, his conclusion that tri-angular sandwiches always taste better than rectangular ones.

Anyway, over the years I myself have been thinking a little bit about the meaning of life and have come with some universal truths of my own.

For now, I’m prepared to share with you the ones which, possibly, more people than just me will find relatively universal. If you want to know my universal truths which probably apply only to me, you'll have to share your own weird Universal Truths first.

Here we go…

- Daddys' girls make better wives.

- People are at their most unnatural at Parents’ Association meetings.

- No matter how often it happens, it’s always surprising when gay people are good at sports.

- If someone isn’t really a nice person, they usually always own a Blackberry.

- Global warming is the boringest ever threat to the future of mankind.

- If you’re watching an art house movie, it’s not any good if it doesn’t have the sound of cicadas and/or crickets during the slow, atmospheric parts.

- If you’re watching a movie, the English guy did it.

- People who like being on committees aren’t into reading.

- People who like Lord Of The Rings aren’t good at maths.

- Car-salesmen have a very poor sense of direction (this is really true - I've had two car-salesmen clients and neither could find their way around a building).

- Before there were mobile phones, insecure people weren’t so noticable.

- If someone makes a peculiarly accurate prediction about what’s going to happen in the future and the tape of them making the prediction is played back after the fact on TV, it’s never as interesting as you think its going to be.

- If you have just witnessed with your own eyes a massive terrorist attack in your home town which has left hundreds of people dead and injured and you announce your intention of joining in the hunt for the perpetrators, you’re wife will tell you you’re overreacting.

So, Barack will be leader of the freeworld after all. Great news for the Middle East, the economy and such, but one of the reasons I think it's so excellent  is because of a story which was going around the internet a while back. Don't know how true it is, but here goes... Back when the movie The Bodyguard was doing the rounds and during his famously diffident college days when he was a total nobody, Barack crashed  a drag themed fancy dress party dressed as Whitney Houston. 

He must have made a very good Whitney because he was chatted up to for the entire evening by the real life Kevin Costner who was the guest of honour.  


Frustrating Epsom Derby this year - no real stand outs. Maybe/possibly Casual Conquest is what they say he is, but he's no great value at 4/1.

I'm going a tenner to win on Doctor Fremantle at 10s, and a  tenner each way on Alessandro Volta at 25s. If you can you beat those prices Paddy (Matthews), we have a deal. 

Have a great weekend, everybody, and keep voting No.

Friday, June 06, 2008 12:44:50 PM (GMT Standard Time, UTC+00:00)
Don't know about all the universal truths you believe, but I LUV Lord of the Rings (storylines, music, visual feast of the films, characters, symbolism, etc. etc.) and I am LOUSY at maths! Good on you.
Friday, June 06, 2008 1:01:26 PM (GMT Standard Time, UTC+00:00)
Here's two of my own:

Whenever you put your windscreen washers on by accident it always starts to rain.

Rain doesn't wet you at much at night as it does during the day.
Friday, June 06, 2008 1:23:05 PM (GMT Standard Time, UTC+00:00)
'Rain doesn't wet you as much at night...' That's exactly the kind of universal truth I'm into. I Love It, Ken!
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